the work of the journey/awakenings
I question so much.
It seems I often come back to one question: What can I learn?
I ask this of pretty much everything now. I ask it of the challenges, the mistakes, the joyous events, the inspiration.
I have come to understand how much I enjoy learning. The process of inspiration, of question, then of discovery. It is quite a thrill to me. Even when it stems from something that started out as a negative in my life.
I learn from many places, people and experiences. I believe we are all teachers, especially our children. Lately, I am coming to appreciate how much I have learned about myself and from myself – my journey and the intersection of my path with others’. I believe we all have inner wisdom. I know that I need to be quiet in order to hear that wisdom, even just a whisper of that wisdom.
I am slowly learning to act preventively, proactively and protectively for myself. I have dived into the waters of motherhood, shouldered the mantle of expectation and always, ALWAYS done these fundamental things for my children. I have learned I can do this for myself without sacrificing what I give to my children. I am still figuring out the ‘how’ of this lesson.
So, my double vision persists. It is minor. It is entirely manageable. I am coexisting with it peaceably. For now. What happened last May – whatever went on in my brain – has taught me that my health and what I need is important.
I continue to work on stillness – of body and mind, and so I am choosing only to post here when I have a very clear idea of what I need to say. I am borrowing from the inspirational, brilliant, awesome Alysia, in using a song quote for this post.
“I’m not the girl I was
But what have I become?
I’m not so willing any more to bend.
Still pleasing and conceding,
I’m not going to lose myself again.”
– ‘Awakenings‘ by Sarah McLachlan