the work of the journey/awakenings

I question so much.

 

It seems I often come back to one question: What can I learn?

 

I ask this of pretty much everything now.  I ask it of the challenges, the mistakes, the joyous events, the inspiration.

 

I have come to understand how much I enjoy learning.  The process of inspiration, of question, then of discovery.  It is quite a thrill to me.  Even when it stems from something that started out as a negative in my life.

 

I learn from many places, people and experiences.  I believe we are all teachers, especially our children.  Lately, I am coming to appreciate how much I have learned about myself and from myself – my journey and the intersection of my path with others’.  I believe we all have inner wisdom.  I know that I need to be quiet in order to hear that wisdom, even just a whisper of that wisdom.

 

I am slowly learning to act preventively, proactively and protectively for myself.  I have dived into the waters of motherhood, shouldered the mantle of expectation and always, ALWAYS done these fundamental things for my children.  I have learned I can do this for myself without sacrificing what I give to my children.  I am still figuring out the ‘how’ of this lesson.

 

So, my double vision persists.  It is minor.  It is entirely manageable.  I am coexisting with it peaceably.  For now.  What happened last May – whatever went on in my brain – has taught me that my health and what I need is important.

 

I continue to work on stillness – of body and mind, and so I am choosing only to post here when I have a very clear idea of what I need to say.  I am borrowing  from the inspirational, brilliant, awesome Alysia, in using a song quote for this post.

 

“I’m not the girl I was

But what have I become?

I’m not so willing any more to bend.

Still pleasing and conceding, 

I’m not going to lose myself again.”

 - ‘Awakenings‘ by Sarah McLachlan

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